Today, I want to talk about something that touches us all—the balance between needing people and letting go of control. This is a theme that resonates deeply with our Soul Recovery journey. It’s a delicate dance: allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to need others while also stepping away from trying to control everything around us.
This episode of the podcast was inspired by today’s reading from Melody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go. The passage is called “Needing People,” and it challenges us to examine how we show up in our relationships. Do we lean too far into being overly needy, expecting others to fill the gaps within us? Or do we swing to the other extreme, closing ourselves off and not allowing anyone in? Both extremes are rooted in old wounds, unmet needs, and fears that have shaped how we interact with the world. The good news is that healing is possible.
The Sneaky Nature of Control
One of the pillars of Soul Recovery is recognizing the role control plays in our lives. For so long, I didn’t even realize how much control had taken over my behaviors. I thought I was helping, fixing, and making things better for everyone around me. But what I was really doing was trying to manage the chaos I felt inside by over-controlling everything outside of me. Sound familiar?
Control is sneaky. It tells us that if we can just fix this one thing or manage this one person, then everything will feel better. But here’s the truth: real peace doesn’t come from controlling the world around us. It comes from letting go and turning inward. Soul Recovery invites us to stop trying to fix and manage the outside world and instead take control of our own lives—our thoughts, our reactions, and our healing.
It’s Okay to Need People
One of the most profound realizations on my journey has been that it’s okay to need people. It’s okay to want healthy, loving relationships. For many of us, our experiences taught us otherwise. Maybe you grew up believing you had to do everything on your own, like I did. Or perhaps you’ve leaned into relationships too much, hoping others could fill the emptiness within you. Both of these patterns are rooted in pain and self-protection.
The reading from Melody Beattie reminds us that balance is possible. When we accept the needy parts of ourselves and allow those old wounds to heal, we open ourselves to healthier connections. On the flip side, if we’ve shut ourselves off from needing anyone, we can begin to soften, to let others in, and to allow love and support into our lives. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s a bridge to authenticity and intimacy.
My Personal Journey with Letting Go
As I approach seven years of sobriety, I’ve been reflecting on how much my life has changed. One of the biggest lessons I’m still learning is how to let go of the belief that I have to do everything myself. For years, I thought self-sufficiency was the goal. I didn’t let people in, not even my husband, Rich. I believed that needing help was a sign of weakness. But what I’ve come to realize is that this mindset was bottlenecking my life—especially my work with Recover Your Soul.
The mission of Soul Recovery is bigger than me. It’s not about Rev. Rachel doing it all. It’s about building a community, inviting others into this work, and trusting that spirit is guiding the process. This shift in perspective has been humbling and freeing. It’s allowed me to see that asking for help doesn’t diminish me; it expands what’s possible.
Reflecting on Your Journey
As you read this, I invite you to reflect on your own patterns around needing and letting go. Ask yourself:
Do I lean too heavily on others, expecting them to meet needs I haven’t healed within myself?
Or do I push people away, believing it’s safer to handle everything on my own?
How does control show up in my life? Am I trying to manage others to feel more secure?
The beauty of Soul Recovery is that it gives us tools to unravel these patterns and create new ones. When we let go of the need to control others, we free ourselves to focus on our own healing. And when we allow ourselves to need people in healthy ways, we open the door to deeper, more meaningful connections.
Stepping Into Your Power
I’ll leave you with this: taking control of your life doesn’t mean controlling others. It means turning inward, tending to your own heart, and trusting that spirit is guiding you every step of the way. When you let go of control, you create space for miracles. When you open yourself to love, you create space for healing. And when you step into your soul recovery, you reclaim your power.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to explore the Nine-Step Soul Recovery process. Whether you work through it on your own, join one of our free monthly support groups, or schedule one-on-one coaching, the tools are here to support you on your journey.
Remember, you are not alone. You are deeply loved, and your wholeness is your truth.
With gratitude and love,Rev. Rachel
Listen to the full episode https://www.recoveryoursoul.net/podcast/episode/806b247b/reclaiming-your-power-how-to-stop-controlling-and-start-connecting
Ready to take the next step? Visit RecoverYourSoul.net to learn more about the Nine-Step Soul Recovery Process, sign up for the free monthly support group on Zoom, or join our private community on Facebook.
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